The Great American Crock Pot Race

 

This week was my first experience with craigslist. At first it’s exciting and exhilirating, and then you realize someone is trying to scam you and then you start dealing with all the crazies who want you to do something like deliver a $25 TV that’s so big you can’t even conceive you were ever strong enough to lift it even if it would fit in your car.

Well, the biggest interest-getter of the whole craigslist experience was a big red genuine Crock Pot which I purchased a few months back because I had sold my Crock Pot three years ago when I thought I would absolutely more assuredly sell my house only to have the Arizona, and later to come national, housing market crash right around my front doorstep. So earlier this year I went down to Target and bought this big pretty red Crock Pot, made one batch of something in it and stuck it in a bottom cabinet to stand vigil with the other small appliances who have little to do in my kitchen.

So a few days ago in anticipation of my upcoming move and my even more upcoming garage/yard sale, I started putting things on craigslist, including the big red Crock Pot which was advertised as like new, used once, $7. The first inquiry came from jlee@xyz.com and the email interchange went something like this:

JLEE: Hi, do you still have the crock pot available?
ME: Yep.
JLEE: How come you’re selling it if it’s practically brand-new?
ME: I’m moving to Texas and I can’t take it on Southwest Airlines. (For the companion piece to this story, you need to see http://fkhphotojournal.blogspot.com/2010/10/14-and-15-tony-and-shay.html)
JLEE: Can I come pick it up?
ME: Sure, if you want to make an appointment, call me at _____ and we’ll set up a time.
JLEE: Can I come this afternoon?
ME: Well, I gotta go to Tempe on an errand about 12:30 and I hope to be home by 2:30. Where do you live? You can call me at _______ when you think you can come.
JLEE: I live in Chandler so I really can’t come later this afternoon.
At this point I’m thinking: Why would anyone from Chandler (a good 45 minutes away from where I live) take the time and spend the gas money to drive for an hour and a half round trip to buy a $7 Crock Pot?

I go to Tempe, pick up tables and chairs and garage sale signs from my good friend Jo who has these things down to a science, arriving back home at 2. I check my craigslist e-mails and find a message from rhondainsedona@123.com.

RIS: Hi. Do you still have the Crock Pot available?
ME: Yep.
RIS: How far off of I-17 do you live?
ME: Three miles east.
RIS: Great! Thanks. I really want the Crock Pot. I’d like to come by and get it.
ME: If you want to get it, let me know when you can be here or call me at _______ for directions to my address at _______.

About this time I realize I forgot to get the coffee for the sale tomorrow morning (little did I realize until this morning about 5 a.m. that I had thrown away all the coffee filters ~ that’s probably another story). I get back home around 3 and discover a phone message.

DAVID: Hi, this is David. I’m JLEE’s boyfriend. She really wants that Crock Pot. I’m kind of in your area. I was thinking I could stop by and get it. Please call me at xxx/www-yyyy.

Well, xxx is a California area code. I don’t have long distance on my land line, so I gotta use some of my minutes to call this dude in California about a $7 Crock Pot, which makes me just a little irritated because I’m already cranky since I’ve been up since 2 a.m., but, what the heck, I got 4,000 rollover minutes and this guy surely won’t take up more than a couple of them.

ME: Hi, this is Kathy. You called about the Crock Pot?
DAVID: Yeah, I was over there in Phoenix and JLEE really wants that Crock Pot and I thought I could come over and get it for her.
ME: Sure. Where are you?
DAVID: Oh, I’m back in Chandler.
ME: Humm.
DAVID: Maybe we could come get it tomorrow.
ME: David, I am having a big moving sale tomorrow at 7:30 and I can’t guarantee that Crock Pot will still be available by the time you get here from Chandler. Plus someone else has expressed interest in the Crock Pot, so …
DAVID: Well, if someone else is coming to see the Crock Pot, could you give me a call (at his Calfornia number, no less!) so maybe I can beat them over to your house and buy the Crock Pot for my girlfriend JLEE?
ME: David, I hate to tell you this but I’m not about to start making phone calls to try to sell a $7 Crock Pot. Now, if we were talking about my $400 French wing chair, that would be a different story. As a matter of fact, if she’s your girlfriend and she really wants a red Crock Pot and you want to keep her as a girlfriend, just go down to Target and buy her one.
DAVID: How much do those Crock Pots cost anyway?
ME: 30 or $35.
DAVID: Wow. Boy, $7 for a Crock Pot is really a bargain.
ME: David, if you want to buy this Crock Pot, you need to be here by 7 o’clock tomorrow morning and I can’t even guarantee you it will still be for sale. As a matter of fact, I suggest you call before coming tomorrow just to make sure it’s still here.

David and I finally end our conversation and I’m simply amazed at how much energy this couple is putting into this $7 Crock Pot.

At this point it’s time to check e-mails again and, yes, you guessed it, rhondainsedoa@123.com has responded: Great. I’m leaving Cottonwood (about 80 miles north of here!!!) about 4 tomorrow and I should be there by 6. Can you send me directions to your house?

ME: Well, here are the directions but I suggest you call when you roll into town because I’ve got a big sale starting at 7:30 tomorrow morning and there’s a couple that’s really hot to trot to get this Crock Pot. They think it has gold leaf lettering and Barry Manilow’s signature in ultra-fine Sharpie on the bottom of the machine and they are probably willing to pay 7.50 for this masterpiece (I didn’t really say that but I thought it made the story better!).

RIS: Okay. Thank you.

Fast forward to 4 a.m. Saturday, the morning of the big sale. I’ve been awake since 2 because I’m psyched. I check the e-mails. Yep, you guessed it.

DAVID: Just checking to see if the Crock Pot is still available.
ME: (No reply ~ too busy! Gotta start hauling all that stuff out into the driveway.)

6 a.m.: My good friend Leslie arrives to help. You can always tell who your true friends are. Leslie lives in one of those suburbs which is also a western suburb of Albuquerque but yet she managed to be here at the crack of dawn with her hair coifed, subdued Saturday makeup, a cute outfit and manicured nails. As she’s scoping out the merchandise, she immediately spots the big red Crock Pot and pounces on it and declares it to be hers forever and ever more.

6:30 a.m.: The phone rings. Since we’re still setting up, I’m able to catch it.

ME: Hello.
DAVID: Hi, this is David. We’re ready to come over from Chandler if you’ve still got the Crock Pot. JLEE really wants that Crock Pot.
ME: David, I am really sorry but that Crock Pot is gone.
AVID: (With abject disappointment in his voice) Ooooh, noooo.
ME: David, you just need to bite the bullet and go get that girl a big red Crock Pot. Just go down to Target and pay the money, get the Crock Pot, and you’ll be a hero!
DAVID: Yeah. I guess you’re right.
ME: Okay, David. Have a great day ~ when in reality I’m thinking to myself, “These people are crazies. What’s the deal with the big red Crock Pot?”

So the day finished. I sold around $1,000 worth of items. There’s just enough left to open again tomorrow morning and start all over. But at least the Crock Pot is gone so there’s no more clamoring. I found it very ironic because, as a court report for many, many years, I always said I wanted my last deposition to be in a divorce case, where at some point during the petty bickering I wanted to stand up, pound my fists on the table (not in my wildest dreams) and say, “Okay, dammit. Who gets the Crock Pot?”



Leslie. That’s who.